we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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