I think my vagina is haunted
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
