Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
