"it" just moved
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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