You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
