Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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