He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
