I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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