another moral hangover. fuck.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
