How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
