WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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