he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
