His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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