i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
