Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona

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(226): View more from Ontario

forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.

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(330): View more from Ohio

You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.

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(248): View more from Michigan

There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...

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(513): View more from Ohio

I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick

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