people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Still dying that you shit outside
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
