how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
