we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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