You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
