Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
