So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
