I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
