He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
