the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
