Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(318): View more from Louisiana

All of his creepy stalker friends want you too

Fav 25 844 1145
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(704): View more from North Carolina

happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash

Fav 16 2890 910
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that

Fav 24 4338 2112
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(954): View more from Florida

Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.

Fav 19 1857 4240
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(719): View more from Colorado

I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.

Fav 4 1537 704
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(613): View more from Ontario

Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding

Fav 6 905 1475
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(631): View more from New York

I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.

Fav 9 2682 968
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(314): View more from Missouri

We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.

Fav 0 58 14
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(480): View more from Arizona

Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.

Fav 0 20 79
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