I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
