My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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