you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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