He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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