I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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