you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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