hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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