I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
