I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
40s are totally the cure
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
