Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Houston, we have a squirter
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
