Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
