i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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