At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
