hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
