he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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