An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
