I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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