had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
