There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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