This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I'm really busy with my period
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