I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
