We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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