no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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