just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
