My friends, they love my intelligence
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Help. Why am I so naked?
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