Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
